A New Challenge (15)
Slow And Steady Wins The Race
Reading time: 3 minutes
Too much haste, usually makes a lot of waste!
Technology ought to do what I want it to do, without too much fuss. If, in my opinion, it is possible to record two video feeds simultaneously via a laptop, then I expect connecting the cameras via USB to be sufficient, after which the recording button should start the process. That turned out not to be the case. In fact, where the cameras previously provided excellent video feeds independently, after this action they were both no longer recognized by the laptop. All in all it took about two and a half hours to get the feeds working again, but of course not at the same time.
A while ago, both the laptop and the cameras would have flown across the room or out the window. Fortunately, a few loud screams into a pillow were enough to channel the released energy of the stress response. Not much later, the question could be asked: Why did the anger come up so strongly? The answer? Identification.
Technology ought to work by merely pressing the button! Image: JESHOOTS-com
Identification means that we have completely identified ourself with something or someone outside ourself. We have made an object, idea, or person, into a part of ourself. A perceived attack on it, or failure of it, is therefore naturally experienced as an attack on, or failure of, ourself.
This phenomenon can be observed every day, in many forms. A family is sitting at the dinner table, each with a plate in front of them. Johnny wants to eat from his father's plate, but he says: “Keep your hands off, that's my plate. You eat from your plate, Johnny.” Here, the father has identified himself with the plate in front of him, which is ‘attacked’ by Johnny, which the father perceives as an attack on himself. As a result, the father becomes rigid in his thinking and behaviour, because instead of coming up with a funny and creative response, he is merely able to react defensively on his pushed buttons.
My identification was mainly with a conviction that had once again anchored itself in my mind, yet outside of my conscious attention. It was an old acquaintance that I thought I had outgrown by now, but no, there it was again: the good old, apparently reluctant to let me down, conviction, that everything I was doing took far too long, and was also of questionable quality; in other words, I was not good enough.
These judgments refer to the project to produce and publish tai chi tutorials. Although the plan is largely ready and much work is being done, the fact is that coming up with ideas, writing them out, planning, filming, and editing videos, is a completely new ballgame for me. That makes it exciting because there is also identification with fear of rejection when the videos go online.
There’s fear for rejection about publishing tai chi tutorials, but that won’t stop me from doing it!
As soon as identification takes place, you have, as it were, thrown out the anchors while you still want the boat to sail. In other words, you want to develop, but by tying yourself to something outside yourself through identification, your development stagnates. The mooring lines that come under high tension in such a case, metaphorically represent the high tension that we come under, when we throw out too many anchors. In my case, the identifications with the rejection of myself as well as the fear of rejection by others, were heavy anchors that put me under such high tension that the mooring lines could not help but snap at a certain moment. How that happened is described in the first two paragraphs of this article.
Identifying with things, thoughts, or people, outside of ourselves, gives a false sense of security and self-esteem, so long as we think we have a certain degree of control over our objects of identification. However, by tying and busying ourselves to external matters, the attention necessary for the processes of self-knowledge and self-development naturally stagnates, and it becomes increasingly difficult to get to know your own true self. Everything that prevents you from doing so is an obstacle to your development, and keeps you tied to everything and everyone with whom you have identified yourself. As soon as unwanted things happen to that or them, you will always experience it as a personal attack or failure.
How easily it is forgotten that the only way to growth and development is a gradual one, is clearly illustrated by my stress response. A tree does not grow ten meters per day. A flower does not unfold in five minutes. My training as a physiotherapist was also not completed in a year, and the first years of working as a massage therapist were also characterized by serious doubts about my knowledge and skills. Everything that is worthwhile needs time to develop and grow into full maturity.
The tale of the tortoise and the hare shows aptly that haste rarely leads to anything; after all, the more consciously each step is taken, the more valuable any process becomes. Illustration found on: vivekbhageria.com
With that understanding, I happily continue to struggle on. Because apart from difficult moments like the one described in this article, these processes in which new knowledge and skills are learned in order to create something new, remain extremely fascinating. Precisely by playing with all kinds of crazy, idiotic, and unreal ideas, what John Cleese so beautifully calls ‘the necessary intermediate impossibles’, you inevitably end up with the possibilities from which will emerge the final product or service. And yes, that also means that there will be moments of intense frustration. However, as soon as it is realized that it is precisely those moments in which you can get to know yourself a little better, compassion for yourself visibly grows – and not just for yourself, but for the whole world.
Jolly greetings,
Erik Stout