The Healing Power of Changing Perspective

Reading time: 12 minutes

With the art of changing our perspective, what seemed impossible can all of a sudden become possible. Image: geralt

Once upon a time, yours truly worked as a physiotherapist when an elderly lady came in. She walked like the hunchback of Notre Dame and was apparently in a lot of pain. Her story however, revealed that she had merely tweaked her back a few days before, which in itself is usually but a minor injury. However, it can be quite a painful one.

Being in her eighties and not medically trained, she was afraid something in her back was broken. In her perspective pain equalled fracture, so no wonder she was scared.

Most of the pain from a tweaked back, however, usually comes from heavily cramped up muscles, due to a heavy contraction at the moment of tweaking.[1] So instead of treating her physically, in this case I initially began by engaging in conversation with her. My goals were to see if she would be receptive for information about back-anatomy and the usual mechanism and development of a tweaked back, and simultaneously to investigate how she would physically and mentally react to it. 

During the conversation, I kept on asking and checking if she could follow the story, while encouraging her to ask questions in case there were words or concepts she didn’t understand. As soon as she began to ask questions, I knew she was getting engaged, and gradually a new story was developing in her mind regarding her sore back.

The result thereof was that the pain = fracture equation was replaced with: pain = handle this region with care, move as normal as possible - but within the pain limit.[2] Moreover, where she was peeking at the floor upon entering the room, her gaze was almost horizontal by the time she left. A major change had taken place in her perspective and because of that, the energy she formerly wasted on worrying about her back could now be fully utilized for the recovery and relaxation process.

Her change in perspective became possible because trust was established: first between her and me, and subsequently in the healing powers of her own body. That is why, as soon as she got engaged in the alternative story about her back pain, her mind opened up for new information which ultimately altered her own back-pain story. Her perspective changed and what was first anxiety had turned into engagement and curiosity, clearing the way for her physical body to use all the available energy for healing and relaxation.

Trust - in an image. By: Myriams-Fotos

Perspective belongs to the realm of consciousness. Therefore we can say that a change in perspective is a change in consciousness, for it alters the way in which we experience the world. And the way in which we experience the world, determines for a large part how effective we can deploy our own healing powers. 

The case of the elderly lady provides an apt example of a perspective that caused stress, energy leakage and impaired recovery. Hence what needed attention before anything else in assisting her recovery, was her perspective.

Many of the stories that form the core of our perspective, or belief system, are based on ignorance. In the above example the lady wasn’t medically trained. Moreover, if I would hardly have listened to her story, and would have merely lectured her, or worse: if my treatment would have sent her home in more pain than she arrived with - then no matter what I would have said, she wouldn’t have believed a word of it. Consequently her erroneous perspective on her medical status would have prevailed and probably even grow stronger.

Therefore, in order for perspective to change to our advantage there has to be trust.

One of the quickest ways to create trust is a sincere willingness to get to know someone else’s perspective. Yet, that can only be present when we are not afraid of being ‘wrong’ or making a ‘mistake’. In other words, the more rigid our own perspective is, the more difficult it becomes to build relationships based on trust (and love).

The fear of making mistakes is one of the key factors that hold us back from learning, growing, and developing. Image: paulbr75

An interesting story tells about a straight A student who had made a B in a class and considered suicide. According to author and counsellor Kimberley Key:

“He described how his father had perfect standards for him and his siblings, and that he would be disowned with a B in class, and that he would have rather taken his life than experience his father’s wrath.”

In the father it seems that the perspective had taken root that mistakes are bad, if not outright evil. Being convinced that he acts in their best interest, he wants to keep his offspring out of the malice of making mistakes or doing wrong by threatening with disownment if they do. That is to say, if they make mistakes or do wrong in his perspective. Since children more often than not copy the behaviour of their parents, the student had nearly copied his father’s aversion against mistakes.[3] If that would have happened, surely the same detrimental perspective would have been handed down another generation.

Detrimental because the perfectionism portrayed by the father breeds intolerance, unhappiness and distrust.

Whenever we meet people with very strong and rigid opinions and perspectives, please remember that inflexibility arises out of insecurity. As a general rule we can state that the louder we shout, the tighter we hold the reigns, the more insecure we are. In the case of the father there is a good chance that his dominant parent was authoritarian,[4] with a tendency to severely punish him when ‘mistakes’ were made. Punishing, however, especially when it’s not balanced by love, laughter, hugs and affection, breeds anxiety and distrust by default. Accepting that we are fallible and that we all make mistakes opens the door to compassion, peace, gratitude, merriment and relaxation.[5]

Besides, an often overlooked fact is that different perspectives can be true at the same time.

Imagine a large number 6 drawn in the sand on a beach. Two people view it; one stands at the bottom of the figure and the other at the top. To the person standing at the bottom the figure indeed looks like a 6, but to the one standing at the top it looks like a number 9. Both are correct, but if the observers are not willing to view the figure from the others perspective, their observation is likely to end in conflict.

Now, in order for a change in perspective to take place there has to be a preliminary state of openness and curiosity, a willingness to admit we don’t know everything and a wish to broaden our view. Yet how do we get there? Particularly if we’re being ruled by inflexibility and distrust, any advice given that doesn’t match our own perspective will be regarded as dangerous or threatening – regardless where it comes from.

So what other devices harbour the possibility to get from a static and rigid state of mind into an open and receptive one? Allow me to portray two of them: disappointment and personal experience.

At age 34, a long sought after break in music finally appeared within reach when a call came to help out one of Holland’s oldest and most notorious hard rock bands: Vengeance. Their drummer quit in the middle of a tour and they needed a replacement fast. I learned the set list and played the first gig a few days later.

Then being announced their new drummer sent me flying, but the jubilation didn’t last long as the level of professionalism and camaraderie within the band came nowhere near my hopes and expectations. I remember thinking: ‘If this is what it means to be a professional musician, I’d rather not be one.’

It was at that moment my dream to ‘make it’ in music died, and less than a year after joining the band I left, with a curious mix of disappointment and…relief.

Because in reality, and quite paradoxically, my conviction that freedom could be found by means of riches and fame turned out to have become a self-made prison. Attachment to that conviction narrowed my perception to a lean tunnel. Not that there were no joyful moments and experiences while being active in music, but there was no room for discovering other talents and innate predisposition belonging to my particular body and mind. Therefore, when the disappointment subsided and the unfeasibility of the ‘riches and fame dream’ were acknowledged and accepted, the whole world opened up to start discovering what befitted me as a complete organism (in contrast to what I want).

Vengeance in 2009, with from left to right: Barend Courbois, Timo Somers, Leon Goewie, Jan Somers†, and yours truly. Image: Gerard Rappard

To prove the power of personal experience in changing one’s perspective, here’s another story that might feel recognizable for all of you who are students (or once were).

Back in 2014, as a 40 year old student, I had successfully made it halfway physiotherapy college. Yet being a first time student (yes, a genuine late-bloomer here), I was mesmerized by all the knowledge and skills we were allowed to learn and practise. Moreover, the conviction grew that I could ‘cure’ an innumerable about of ailments, so all I wanted was to share these amazing insights and skills with as many people as possible. Yet, despite my enthusiasm (i.e. eagerness) it became quickly obvious that as soon as I got on my high-physiotherapy-horse, people quite literally turned away from me.

That marked the introduction to the phenomenon that unasked-for advice was not appreciated at all. The interesting thing was, however, that even though my advice was not asked for or appreciated, there was no depreciation of me. In other words, I was allowed to make the ‘mistake’ of giving unasked-for advice, but other than not listening, there wasn’t any severe punishment for it. Most people understood my enthusiasm and left it at that.

As soon as I began to recognize what was going on, pretty quickly my behaviour changed into talking about physiotherapy only when the topic came up, or if someone particularly asked for it. In this case the experience of being allowed to make a mistake created trust in my abilities to learn and adjust.

As soon as it became obvious that I needed to quiet down, life suddenly began to open up. Image: Pezibear

Finally, let’s discuss a widely spread perspective which is nothing short of a fallacy of the largest order, namely the conviction that ‘everyone sees me as I see myself.’ This illusory conviction was effectively demolished while giving a workshop on workplace safety with a colleague physiotherapist to two groups of construction workers.

Our program consisted of a theoretical and practical part. In the theoretical part, we particularly discussed the influence of stress on focus and concentration. We exchanged thoughts on how to recognize stress in ourselves and others, and how it could negatively impact safety in oftentimes difficult working conditions for those guys.

For the practical part we set up a track with different stations in their factory shed. Every station represented a particular element of their actual working conditions where they had to perform certain movements reminiscent of different circumstances (which we had observed while visiting one of their sites). Moreover we put a competition element in it, to make it a little more fun.

In the morning we started with the first group. After the theoretical part, which went fine, we went to the shed for the track. The group was divided into six subgroups, the rules were explained, and every subgroup went to their designated station. My colleague gave the starting sign, and then ……. all hell broke loose.

In my opinion, what was planned as a well-organized workshop turned into complete mayhem. The guys were obviously having a lot of fun, but we totally lost control of the situation when it came to the goals we had set ourselves to achieve. What was left to ‘control’ was to make sure every group saw all the stations, and provide guidance and advice as to the do’s and don’ts under different working and weather conditions.

Now, we had made forms for the groups in order to obtain feedback about the workshop and our performance therein. Yet after the track debacle with the first group, I had serious anxiety about asking them to fill in the form. After discussing it with my colleague, we still decided to ask them for feedback.

Then two completely unexpected things happened. The first one being that every one of the guys was more than willing to fill in our form. I already found that curious, since in my mind they knew as well as I did how bad we screwed up, so why would they grant us any more of their time?

The second came after the last one closed the door behind him. We had about two hours for lunch and preparing for the afternoon group. “Do we dare to read what they wrote?” I asked my colleague. With the proverbial tail between our legs we grabbed the first form to read their feedback. It read something along these lines:

“By far the best workshop we’ve ever had. Finally people were not only not telling us how to do our job, but sincerely listened to us and gave advice specifically tailored for us and our workplace circumstances. Please come back!”

I couldn’t believe it. But upon reading the next one, and another one, the basic message mimicked the one quoted. My jaw dropped to the floor because of: a) the specific feedback, but especially because of: b) the infinitely wide gap between my experience of the workshop and theirs.

At that moment I understood that nobody sees me as I see myself.

With that, the futility of trying to show only the so called ‘best’ parts of me while being in company, became obvious. I have very little, if any, control over how others see and experience me. The relief which accompanied that realization was clearly felt in body and mind.

Taking the time to visit the actual sites where the construction workers performed their magic, was not only incredibly informative and fun, but gave them the valuable sign that we were taking them - and their job - seriously. Image: Nickbar

Again we see a paradox, because despite our conviction that we can only be safe as long as we control how others see and experience us, the fact is that such a conviction only evokes stress and tension. The release of that conviction, which is effectively the release of obsessively having to ‘hold ourselves together’ hundred percent of the time, is what brings actual relaxation — and (self) healing power!

These are but a couple of the countless examples where deeply rooted convictions and beliefs were shattered by disappointments and life experiences. The more there were shattered, the more it became obvious how rigid and inflexible my thinking and behaviour had become, and how it had narrowed my perspective. Because instead of treating convictions and beliefs as living entities subject to change, I relentlessly held on to the versions as they first formed in my mind. So while everything else changed and life went on as it always does, these convictions remained obstinately the same. The longer that situation remained, the more they began to act as a slowly tightening noose around my neck.

Having the noose shattered means freedom, and freedom means a rapid change in perspective on multiple levels. Holding on to inflexible convictions and beliefs for too long a time narrows our perspective, breeds anxiety, stress and loads of tension. While if they are allowed to change with the times and breathe, our perspective widens, which breeds curiosity, relaxation and a lot of fun!

Therefore I encourage anyone to investigate if there are still inflexible beliefs, ideas or convictions lurking somewhere in the nooks and crannies of our minds. If there are, and you’re putting the spotlight on them, surely life will hand you experiences and disappointments by which they can be shattered.

Loosen the noose around your neck and find out what freedom means for you!

Jolly greetings,
Erik Stout

[1] The moment of sprain doesn’t necessarily mean the pain from cramped muscles is immediately felt. It can easily take a day or two to fully develop.

[2] Of course I informed her that in most cases, the pain from a tweaked back subsides a little bit every day until it is not noticed anymore (usually after a few weeks up until a month or two). However, if she were to feel no progress in a week or so, she’d be more than welcome to come back so that we could investigate what could be blocking the recovery. Providing trust, in my opinion, also means that you let the other one know you’ve got their back (insofar as one can, naturally).

[3] Fortunately the student worked through the illogic of his thought processes and eventually learned to relax and find acceptance within himself, without the perfectionist monkey on his back.

[4] In most families one of the two parents assume the dominant role, from which the offspring will receive the most direct influence.

[5] Besides, the only way we can learn anything is by making mistakes. As Albert Einstein said: “A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.”

How self-wise are you?

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