A New Challenge (10)

Feeling, Competition, Mastery, and...Spring Blossoms!

Reading time: 7 minutes

Qingdao Olympic Dragon with the skyline as moviescreen in the background.

For two days now I have been staring at a blank page and the only thoughts that come to mind are all part of the failure-apparition: “What are you doing here? You’re not successful at anything. You only do things half-hearted. You never even finish anything. You are a nitwit who refuses to grow up.” These thoughts come up like the wind and sometimes alternate so quickly, that at those moments I just want to disappear into a deep abyss.

Some of the reasons for this are the deeply rooted convictions that I ought not to make mistakes, and that this can only be prevented by thinking long and hard about problems or situations. However, those beliefs of course ignore the fact that learning is only possible by making mistakes and if there is no room for that, we all cramp up with anxiety – a cramp that I certainly fall into if I try to solve problems exclusively through thinking, because my particular way of decision-making lies much more in the realm of feeling. That was discovered through a combination of self-examination and -analysis, reading literature on psychology (especially C. G. Jung's Psychological Types came in handy), and Human Design.

In his book, Jung discusses four main functions in consciousness: two perceptual functions (sensory and intuitive perception) and two judging functions (thinking and feeling). These functions are influenced by two main types in terms of attitude: introverted and extroverted. After reading the book I see myself as an extrovert (but with many introvert characteristics) who mainly perceives by the senses and evaluates by feeling; a theory that is reinforced by my Human Design profile (emotional manifestor), which also indicates that my constitution is somewhat slower in making decisions than people with a different constitution or blueprint. These are all clearly recognizable features that have surfaced during self-examination: I learn by experiencing (sensory perception), and then by feeling through what I have learned/experienced, I come to decisions that turn out to be meaningful both for me and my environment. In other words, as soon as an idea presents itself, I do better to feel both the ecstatic (“Yeeaah, that's SO how we're going to do it!”) and the depressive (“This is never going to get us anywhere.”) and then at some point I pick it up and begin to work with it, or not.[2]

A fun example was the idea to buy a tai chi outfit already in the Netherlands. The idea came up but my feeling then said that it was still too early for that, so I assumed that the right time would present itself – or not, and it did when the master recently asked if I dared to participate in a tai chi competition here in China. I interpreted his question as enough confidence and as a result it was time to find a real tai chi outfit (where ‘made in China’ is extremely appropriate and desirable in this case). I'm super happy with the suit and I have to admit, it gives the practice an extra dimension!

The nice thing about tools like self-analysis, psychology and Human Design, is that although they will never be a panacea, they can be valuable tools in the process of self-examination – especially when we encounter recognizable features of ourselves. Subsequently there is an irrevocable increase in self-awareness and that of course provides tools to find out how we as a unique individual can go through life effectively, spontaneously, creatively, and meaningfully.[3]

Now the competition was held in a large stadium in the city of Laiyang.[4] We were in the car around 07:30 and arrived just in time to see the opening ceremony: a beautiful display with hundreds of children waving flags, Chinese dragons wandering through it, and the whole thing with bombastic music; as if it were an Olympic Opening Ceremony. After that, young children began their competitions.

The performances were shown on two mats and each mat featured four contestants performing their exercise simultaneously. Everyone got a rating from the jury and the acrobatic tours of those children all got an A+ from me! It was as if all boys and girls had rubber bodies, because almost with an air of nonchalance they performed the most insanely difficult movements, alternating between acrobatics and fighting techniques. Super cool to experience and also cool to see that young, old and everything in between was mega skilled in the different styles of Chinese martial arts.

At the beginning of the afternoon there was a break and we were allowed to practice on the mat where we were to perform our form later on. The outfit had already been put on and from the moment I took to the mat to practice my form, I was surrounded and watched by a horde of fellow participants and photographers, all of Chinese descent. That felt super intimidating, all the more so because I found myself rather ungraceful compared to their skills. So, slightly sweating, I finished the form and unexpectedly received a big applause. That was not only super nive, but very sincere and that is something I would like to focus on for a moment.

First competition and my training run made it into the newspaper :-)

Because all the Chinese people I have met so far are super friendly, humorous, helpful, and...both skilled and experienced. Both in villages and cities you will find people everywhere showing acrobatic skills with tai chi or kung fu; you will see young and old with kites so high in the air that they seem to reach into the stratosphere; spinning tops are manipulated with whips or they make them dance on a rope; board games are played; and so on. And whatever they do, they seem to do it with full dedication and mastery. Moreover, it was especially striking that they have incredible fun doing it! It has really been a long time since I experienced sincere joy in such large numbers. During a trip to the city of Qingdao, I saw whole families in a large park celebrating the weekend with their kites, frisbees, playing football, dancing and sharing food and drinks. Great to enjoy a steaming cup of coffee there and take in some of that energy.

Qingdao, by the way, is a cool port city and also an old German colony with a great beer tradition. Less well known, however, is a darker past, which is on display at the Qingdao Mountain Battery Site Museum. It tells the story of Qingdao in the run-up to, during and after the First World War. This city has the dubious honour of being the first Asian city to experience a 3D war: both by land, sea and air. In addition, and that was new to me, there were trenches in that area like the ones we know from Belgium. Many Chinese have been brought from the countryside to fight for diverse settlers, who behaved in the same way as any imperial power – through domination and exploitation.

A recurring spectacle is the evening performance on the Qingdao skyline. Over an estimated distance of more than a mile, movies are played using the entire skyline as a large screen. That was phenomenal to see, especially from the pier where the sailing events of the 2008 Olympic Games were held, because from there the illuminated skyline could also be seen beautifully in the reflection of the water.

Finally, the transition from winter to spring is no less than magical here on the sacred mountain. The blossoms are breath-taking with yellows, pinks, purples and whites in all imaginable shades and with all imaginable scents like jasmine, honey, mountain streams, musk (not Elon), and roses. In addition, there was so much buzzing of bees in a group of blossoming trees that the mountain seemed to take off in its entirety. The most beautiful insects, birds and butterflies fly around us and the new greenery seems to bring the whole mountain to life. Crickets and frogs are starting to give concerts again and it is a celebration to be able to experience all that new, young life in all its facets. And last but not least, last week I ran up against a beautiful snake of about 1.5 meters: yellow head, dark body and wiggled comfortably across the street and sidewalk, after which it disappeared into the forest.

All in all, so far it has been an adventure with highs and lows, blissful and difficult moments, pleasure and pain; life in all its facets!

Jolly greetings,
Erik Stout

[1] The mythologist, author & editor Joseph Campbell taught me that an indispensable part of writing is the ability to endure one or more days of ‘writers block’. The feeling of being completely stuck is an illusion of our ego because the processes in the subconscious are given the opportunity to submerge into the subject through our alleged passivity. The longer the discomfort can be lived with, the more creative and interesting the solution can often be (which is also claimed by Monty Python actor John Cleese).

[2] Since no two people have the exact same blueprint, it can significantly reduce the amount of stress if everyone finds out for themselves which way of making decisions fits best.

[3] It is a fact that in our society the judgment and decision faculties of thinking are overestimated and those of feeling underestimated. In doing so, we impoverish ourselves as humanity because we use only half of our total faculties and therefore possibilities. As a famous quote states: "Everyone is intelligent. But if we judge a fish by its ability to climb trees, then all his life he will believe that he is stupid.”

[4] The toilets in the stadium date back to the communist era, where privacy apparently did not exist and everyone had to share everything with each other. The men’s toilet consisted of a row of urinals on the left side of the room and a row of holes in the ground on the right side for number two. The only thing that was new to me was that the toilets on the right side had no doors. There were indeed bulkheads between the holes, but anyone who entered could look right at the squatting fellow human being. Now, if you're used to that, that's not such a problem. Unfortunately, I'm not used to that. So when I had to go, and I was squatting in the last ‘box’, the order however refused to be delivered.